


Here's How Bernie Can Still Win

by murderousfiligree



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Bernie 2020, Blood and Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23550640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murderousfiligree/pseuds/murderousfiligree
Summary: Hisoka participates in the democratic process.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 99





	Here's How Bernie Can Still Win

“Here’s the thing,” says Trump. “We’ve got, we’ve got masks coming in from China. We’ve stopped masks at the Canadian border. We have no shortage of masks, like they’ve been saying. The media says we’ve got no ventilators. Well they’re not going to be needing that equipment. I saw a ventilator yesterday. No one’s talking about it.” 

“President Trump,” says the moderator. “The question was about expanding Medicaid.” 

“I think universal healthcare is bad,” says Biden. 

“We know, Biden,” says the moderator. “Looks like we have a question from the audience. Sir?” 

“Hi,” says Hisoka. 

“Holy shit,” says Biden. “I thought there weren’t gonna be any gays here. Sharon, we talked about this.” 

“My name is Sarah,” says the moderator. 

“I agree, I am very uncomfortable right now,” says Trump. 

“Were you aware that Bungee Gum has the properties of both rubber and gum?” says Hisoka. 

“What?” says Biden. 

“I know everything there is to know about Bungee Gum,” says Trump. “I knew about Bungee Gum before everyone else was talking about it. As for, as for the properties of—”

Trump is cut short by Hisoka jumping onto the stage and cutting his jugular with an uno card. Blood sprays everywhere. The audience cheers. 

“That brings me to my next question,” says the moderator, while Trump continues to bleed out on the stage. “Biden, what are your thoughts on clown on clown violence?” 

“I’m glad you asked that, Sheryl,” says Biden. 

“My name is Sarah,” says the moderator. 

“Die,” says Hisoka, snapping Biden’s neck, killing him instantly. Someone from the secret service realizes that maybe he should do something about this, and starts shooting Hisoka. The bullets bounce off his rock hard tiddies and ricochet into the audience. People start screaming. Spanish guitar music is blasting with no apparent origin. 

“Sir, why did you do that?” the moderator shouts over the music. 

Hisoka rips off his shirt, revealing an enormous “Bernie 2020” tattoo. He rips off his pants too. There’s no writing on his legs, he just wanted to. 

“Bernie bros are inciting violence again,” screams an audience member. “If only Warren had been the nominee!” 

Hisoka turns around, revealing the words “Death to” and “America” on his voluminous asscheeks. 

“Turn off the camera,” screams the moderator. “We can’t have nudity on American television!” 

“Dick Cheney made money on the Iraq War,” moans Hisoka. 

The screen goes black. 

Bernie wins the presidency by default. His first act as president is to make clownfucking legal, in honor of the clown...who made it all possible. 


End file.
